Hail Mary at St Killians

We were all shocked to learn of the sudden passing of a good friend Gene Dybus. He was best friends with my Brother-In-Law Terry Kane but we all had great times together. Jumbo, as we called him, was a gregarious and funny man. He was also a great practical joker and I think he may have been responsible for pulling one on me from the coffin. At 72 with an enlarged prostate I am always aware of where to find bathrooms. So this morning before Gene's funeral mass started I went to use the church bathroom in the foyer. It was locked. I knocked - no answer - I tried again - locked. Looking around I saw a bathroom sign pointing down a staircase to the basement. At the foot of the stairs is a small room with a number of  other doors - conference rooms, storage room but no bathroom. I look through the window of the last door and there is another hallway on the other side. It is perhaps 25 feet long and ends at a perpendicular hallway - A "T"  arrangement. I open the door and find a small dead end hallway halfway down on the left and, lo and behold, there is a men's room. Finally. When I finish I go back the way I came. The door is locked. I am now in the basement with no way out. That can't be right. There must be another exit. I walk down to the end of the corridor where the perpendicular hallway is. I look left - more closed doors. I look to the right and at the end there is light shining on the floor opposite another doorway. An exit to the outside. I look through the glass and sure enough there is a concrete staircase going up to ground level. I open the door and start climbing the stairs and as I am reaching the top i notice sand and stones all over the top stairs. Odd. When I finally get to the top I am indeed outside but in an area where the church is doing construction. The entire area is surrounded by an 8 foot chain link fence. No way out except to climb the fence. I am in me dress clothes. OK. Let me go back in and see if there is any exit I may have missed. I walk down the stairs. The door is locked. With no other option I go back up and start climbing. I get one foot on the horizontal bar halfway up the fence and pull myself up. I swing my left leg over the top, straddling the fence, look down, and realize there is no horizontal bar on the outside of the fence. I am going to have to swing my right leg over and drop to the round. I can see it clearly - I am going to break my fucking leg. I go for broke - my Hail Mary moment. As I hit the ground, unharmed, a priest is walking by, .probably wondering what the hell is this guy doing. I just know Gene is looking down and laughing his ass off. You are a sick man Jumbo, even from the grave. And there is no way for me to get back at you. Gonna miss you.

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